My hand grabs one of my work polo shirts resting on top of my chest of drawer. They never go in or hang above with the shirts and trousers. Instead, they rest in a messy pile between the bottom of my shirts and the top of the chest of drawer. In ordinary time, I go through them too fast to bother tidying them properly.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 57
I get off the chair and stretch, looking out of the window into the neighbours garden. The pool is empty. One of the boys, I can never tell who is R. and who is K., is lying next to the baby under a makeshift umbrella. He is making faces at little J. who wriggles his body in delight. They are both naked save for a pair of underwear. I watch them play for a while before returning to my laptop.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 56
I think again of my journey in 2016. Contours, receding, vanishing, lines… words we used with my partner to describe the texts in a failed attempt at finding a title. Receding, vanishing. Now that I think of it, I have written those words, or variations of, often the last few weeks. I am losing, changing.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 55
‘A currant tree,’ I repeat excitedly. I text my entire family, our joined memories of red currant jams, smeared faces, and stolen fruits gathered around this one tree. ‘A currant tree,’ I say one last time looking at it proudly.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 54
I look at the moon, a thin luminous crescent in the darkening sky. Through the window of the study, I watch it stand still in the dark blue sky. Below, trees have lost their colours against a background of waning sunset flames.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 53
I begin the day writing about Friday, thinking about my anxiety, about work and the changes that have happened. I pause often to consider how I was feeling then, remembering the fear, the doubts, the lurking darkness in me.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 52
I put the phone back on the bedside table and picks up my book. It is easier to lose myself in the turbulent world of Mongolia in 1920 than to consider ours in 2020. I barely have time to read a chapter that my phone rings. Surprised by the sounds, I pick it up, expecting an unknown caller but instead I see my friend’s name on the screen, the very same one I was just chatting with on Twitter.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 51
I scroll through the gallery of photos people are submitting as an answer to this tweet and run my hand through my hair. It’s shorter than it’s ever been but feel ridiculously long in comparison to the images I’m seeing.
#LockdownDiary – One of many – Day 50
I walk past my partner, my hand brushing her neck, and step outside. I pour much needed water into the pots containing lily of the valley, mint, and unknown plant. We picked up the last two from a garden front with a sign for ‘free plants’. We only recognised the mint from its smell.